You’ve poured over all the social media accounts, spent hours Googling narcissistic abuse, and listened to endless videos and podcasts on the subject. You’ve come to the realization something is definitely not right, and the descriptions of narcissistic abuse seem to fit the overall ongoing pattern in your relationship.
You go back and forth questioning if it’s really abuse, or if he’s a narcissist, ruminating and trying to make sense of what you’re experiencing.
If you’re like all of the women I’ve worked with over the past 5 years in Awakening Women, you question things only when he is being nice, helpful, attentive, caring, doting, helpful, and oddly ‘normal’.
Listen, if his behaving properly and ‘normally’ is a rare event, this is your first clue that something is very wrong.
If it’s awful more than it’s joyful.
If it’s painful more than it’s loving.
If there are conflicts more than it’s peaceful.
If you feel confused and anxious more than you feel calm about the relationship, and you question if you’re just imagining things, are being too sensitive, or wonder if you really are losing your mind, these are indicators of experiencing abuse and manipulation.
Rather than continuing to figure out his psychology, issues, and why he acts the way he does, I want you to focus on the behavior and patterns over the duration of your relationship. It takes time to see patterns emerge, so do your best to assess overall, if these behaviors and tendencies are occurring in your relationship consistently.
Patterns of Narcissistic Abuse: