The message I want to share here might feel confronting or even triggering, but it’s rooted in the idea that the power to change lies within you. This is not about blaming; it’s about empowering. It’s about taking self responsibility.

I believe the greatest barrier to human evolution, that causes the most destruction in oour closest relationships is lack of self-responsibility.

Where are you not taking 100% responsibility for your life and within your relationship right now?

If you’re ready to look inward, embrace discomfort, and uncover your blind spots, these three shifts could change your life.

1. It’s Not Him, It’s You

This isn’t about absolving others of their actions, nor does it mean the fault lies solely with you. It’s about reclaiming your agency. Too often, we give away our power by making someone else — a partner, a boss, or even societal expectations — the central figure dictating our happiness or limitations.

One powerful exercise I share with my clients is to visualize shrinking the influence of these external forces. Some use a physical representation, like a Lego figure, to symbolize their partner. Place this figure on a shelf, and for 30 days, focus on you.

Some questions to ask yourself:

• What do I truly want?
• Who am I when I remove the chaos, fear, and distractions?

When you stop making everything about someone else’s behavior, you open a space to rediscover yourself.

2. Be More Selfish

For women, especially those on the codependency spectrum, the idea of selfishness can feel foreign and wrong. We’re often conditioned to prioritize others’ needs above our own, constantly analyzing, overthinking, and caretaking. But being “selfish” in this context doesn’t mean neglecting responsibilities — it means re-centering your own needs and desires.

Ask yourself:

• What do I need to feel fulfilled?
• What patterns am I perpetuating because they feel easier than confronting my truth?
• Where am I draining my energy on things that no longer serve me?

This shift is about doing less of what’s not working and creating space for what nurtures your growth.

3. Stop Allowing Him to Dictate

Many of us unknowingly give our power away by allowing others to dictate our choices — where we go, how we spend our time, and even how we feel about ourselves. This dynamic must change. You have to reclaim autonomy over every aspect of your life, including your finances, decisions, and boundaries.

One strategy I teach in my Awaken to Relationship Clarity Boot Camp is to do the opposite of your default behavior. If you’ve been accommodating, start setting firm boundaries. If you’ve been reactive, pause and reflect. By disrupting your old patterns, you create momentum toward a new way of being.

A Hard Truth: Relationships Mirror Your Growth

Here’s the part that might feel most confronting: Your current relationship, as challenging as it may be, reflects where you are emotionally, energetically, and psychologically. This doesn’t mean you’re to blame for someone else’s harmful behavior, but it does mean there’s an opportunity to examine why you’re in this dynamic and how you can shift it.

When you change — when you raise your standards, focus on your growth, and commit to becoming the best version of yourself — the relationship dynamic will shift. Sometimes, that means the relationship will no longer fit who you’ve become. And that’s okay.

Growth doesn’t have to take years. The moment you decide to take ownership of your life, everything can start to change. You’re not stuck unless you choose to be. Remember, the power is — and always has been — within you.

If this message resonates with you, lean into the discomfort. Ask yourself why it’s triggering you. Your triggers are signposts, guiding you toward the parts of yourself that need healing, integration, and growth. Take back your power, one shift at a time.